HOTBOVINE MOVIE REVIEWS PRESENT Oscar Beat 2007 This year’s Academy Awards, on February 25th, 2007, will be the most highly-anticipated Oscar telecast since 2006.  With a list of nominees so strong it makes the Democratic and Republican 2008 Presidential candidates look like a bunch of retarded pedophiles, it’s almost impossible to anticipate who will win.  So we went to our Stable of Reviewers and asked each of them for their picks in a few of the most hotly-contested categories:            BEST PICTURE   “Babel” “The Departed” “Letters from Iwo Jima” “Little Miss Sunshine” “The Queen”   Skeeter   I hain’t seen me none a them films.  But back when I was a bettin’ man, I used to spend most of my time down at the OTB.  I’d study that racing form, and whichever horse’s name made my short n’ curlies stand up was the horse I’d bet on.  I reckon I won more often than I lost that way.  One of these here movie names is makin’ my short n’ curlies tingle right now.  If you give me five dollar, I’ll tell you which one it is.   Vince Neil   Dude, these are all awesome movies, but I gotta say that “The Queen” fucking rocked hard!  That Helen Mirren is a bitchin’ actress too.  She makes Dame Judy Dench look like a wet cunt rag.  Vince gives “The Queen” five raging guitar boners!!!  (That’s my new rating system!)   Josh Hurwitz (age 8 ½)   I saw “Little Miss Sunshine” because I liked the name but the name wasn’t what the movie was like and in it they were in a car a lot and I didn’t like it.  But the other movies were ugly and weird and “Little Miss Sunshine” still has a good name so that was still my favorite.  Also, “Letters from Iwo Jima” had too many Japanese.  “There were too many Japanese in ‘Letters from Iwo Jima’” would be a less awkward sentence, Josh.  (ed.)     BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE   Leonardo DiCaprio in “Blood Diamond” Ryan Gosling in “Half Nelson” Peter O’Toole in “Venus” Will Smith in “The Pursuit of Happyness” Forest Whitaker in “The Last King of Scotland”   Skeeter   I tell you what, those is all some pretty fine actors, and the young kids today stand to learn a lot from a fellow like Peter O’Toole.  But I gotta go with my gut here, and my gut says Leo.  I’d split a fifth of my finest rotgut with him any day—‘specially if he let me smell his finger after a date with that Giselle Bundchen.   Vince Neil   My money’s on the Fresh Prince, homies.  The A-cad snubbed him twice, for “Men In Black” and “Men In Black II.”  It ain’t gonna happen again.  You heard it here first, dudes.  Big Willie Style in ’07!   Josh Hurwitz (age 8 ½)   Forest Whitaker has a scary eye that I can’t tell when it’s looking at me and his name sounds like trees.  I want to go home now.  Forest Whitaker looks freakish because he has what’s called a “lazy eye,” Josh.  (ed.)       BEST COSTUME DESIGN   “Curse of the Golden Flower” “The Devil Wears Prada” “Dreamgirls” “Marie Antoinette” “The Queen”   Skeeter   The summer of 1965, before I went to ‘Nam, was probably the happiest time of my life.  I had me a good job and the affections of a sweet young girl.  Then Uncle Sam came knockin’ and off I went.  Saw my buddy Paco decapitated in front of my eyes by a VC booby trap.  Worst thing about it was I was supposed to be on point that day, but I traded my post to him for a pack of Kools.  I ain’t been the same since.  But even I can see that the needlepoint in “Marie Antionette” is exquisite.   Vince Neil   All right, all right, I know what you’re all thinking.  Vince Neil is gonna go with “Dreamgirls.”  And hey, I don’t blame you all for thinking that.  Beyonce’s ass looked fucking slammin’ in that movie!  I damn near buttered my popcorn watching that, if you know what I mean.  But even so, I’m gonna go with “The Devil Wears Prada.”  For an older woman Meryll Streep looked great.  She hasn’t given me a boner like that since the shower scene in “Silkwood.”   Josh Hurwitz (age 8 ½)   In the movie “The Devil Wears Pardo” the woman was angry a lot and yelled and called people names and that made me think of my mommy.  My mommy also gets angry a lot.  A costume is a thing you wear on Halloween.  I think a good costume is one that tricks you.  The costume in “The Devil Wears Pardo” that the woman wore made me think I was watching my mommy and that was scary.  So even though I cried that costume was the best.  That’s “Prada,” Josh. (ed.)