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HotBovine's Election InfoWad
Busting a nut full of warm, sticky electoral results all over your monitor!
Derision '06!
A summary of election shenanigans, irregularities, general electoral mishaps: |
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*George Romero’s zombie seeking camera crews trained on Chicago graveyards, ready to capture those dead voters clawing their way out of their graves. However, this does not occur—yet another indicator of widespread voter apathy, even among the undead. |
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*Alterna-metal crooner Ian Astbury of The Cult fraudulently votes for Rensselaer County, NY Dog Catcher candidate Mark Rose 637 times. Despite this, Rose is defeated on the strength of Poison bassist Rikki Rockett's endorsement for "the other guy—you know, the one with the hat." |
*I-Pod voting machines cause election irregularities... of fun!
*The Nevada lottery voting gambit pays off—big! The winning voter was awarded $1,000,000 and elevated to Attorney General. |
| *Edna Mae Perkins baked a lovely blueberry pie for the constituents of Election District 20 in Raccoon County, Tennessee. |
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| *New "Stone The Vote" (tm) voting machines a rousing success. Geared towards young marijuana users, upon entering the booth immediately fills with thick, intoxicating smoke. The voter is then given the option to vote for perennial stoner favorites Ralph Nader, Noam Chomsky, or Winston Churchill. The fun only ends when you stumble back out into cold, harsh, bi-partisan reality. |
*Voting machine-cum-ATM dispenses $40 for each Republican vote in Ohio.
*Voting machine-cum-cum dispenser dispenses 5 ounces of sticky semen for each Republican vote in Mark Foley's district. |
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*Over 2,000 voters were killed in central California when they ignored cries of "Landslide!" Apparently they were anticipating a sweeping Democratic takeover of the House of Representatives, and not the actual landslide which subsequently buried them. |
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