|
Category |
UK |
USA |
Winner: |
|
Political debate |
Prime Minister's Question Time: Members of Parliament grandstanding and chewing the scenery worse than Al Pacino without all the "Hoo-ah, hoo-ah!" |
C-Span's showing empty galleries on capitol hill, peopled only by near-zombies such as nonagenarian Robert Byrd reminds us too mch of our own mortality |
The UK takes this one all the way, baby. At least the MPs torch each other with some wit and flash. |
|
Music 1 |
They had The Beatles |
... we had Elvis! |
Face it: The Beatles were just Elvis with better looks, better music, better haircuts, and catchier albums. |
|
Health Care |
Socialized Medicine in the UK means it’s all free, folks. None of this "I want I sex change but I can’t afford to get both testicles," nonsense you constantly get here. |
But we have better dentistry! |
Everybody knows it’s better to look good than to feel good. |
|
Postal system |
The Royal Mail’s postal codes are a royal pain in the ass to type with their combination of digits and letters. |
ZIP code, baby! |
Even if you’re a psychopath and you want to use the ZIP + 4, we can accommodate you. |
|
Roots of Democracy |
Magna Carta, 1215 |
Declaration of Independence, 1776 |
Yes, the Magna Carta simply meant that the king would consult with other landed inbred retards but that shit is old school, bro. |
|
Best Spicy Immigrant Cuisine |
Indian |
Mexican |
While both Mexico and Indian cuisines are capable of producing dishes so spicy they could melt your scrotum or ovaries, for sheer variety, the points have to go to Indian. |
|
Beer |
Wow! |
Well… |
Nothing could make up for years of Budweiser and Coors. |
|
Terrorism |
Whiskey-swilling, bomb-chucking, papist leprechauns are a thing of the past: The IRA is disarmed. |
Al Qaeda is still grooving on their own idiosyncratic brand of medieval theology and high tech destruction in some cave somewhere. Kind of like the Weather Underground. |
Yes, the Brits are targets too, but 9/11 did more damage in one shot than years of "the Troubles." |
|
Responding to Terrorism |
Irish peace process is plodding forward… |
USA improves it’s recruiting drive for Al Qaeda by attacking Iraq. |
Now that’s strategy! |
|
Music 2: Heavy Metal |
Black Sabbath
Judas Priest
Iron Maiden
Motorhead |
Metallica |
Yes, Metallica sold more albums than all those Brits, but did you see "Some Kind of Monster"? Those guys in Metallica are douchebags. Lemmy in Decline of Western Civilization 2? Awesome. |
|
Muisc 3: Soul |
Rick Astley |
Otis Redding
Sam and Dave
Aretha Franklin
Gladys Knight
Curtis Mayfield
Sly and the family Stone
James Brown |
We don’t even have a joke for this. |
|
Music 4: Hip Hop |
British hip-hop? Nigga, please. |
Nothing good has happened in Hip Hop since Ol’ Dirty Bastard died. Nevertheless… |
The existence of Public Enemy alone pretty much seals this up. |
|
Game shows |
Weakest Link
Big Brother |
Price is Right
Jeopardy |
"Is that your final answer?. |
|
TV streghths |
Monty Python
Young Ones
Ab Fab
The Office
Father Ted |
MASH
Seinfeld
Simpsons
Sopranos
Letterman |
|
|
TV weaknesses |
Dad’s Army
Keeping Up Appearances |
Sex & the City
The office |
|
|
Sports |
|
|
|
|
Weather |
|
|
|
|
Media |
|
|
|
|
Pornography |
|
|
|
|
Closing times |
|
|
|
|
Holidays |
Guy Fawkes
Boxing day |
|
|
|
Useless wars |
Falklands—at least you won. |
Vietnam |
Although technically useless, WWI cannot be considered since we fought on the same side, even though the USA waltzed in and claimed all the glory at the end. |
