I got me a $100 reward yesterday for finding a lost cat. I rang the doorbell of the nice couple and I said "It’s me, Skeeter! And I found your cat, Boris. You want him back?" They looked down at me from the window and they told me through the microphone they’d double my reward if I left Boris inside the door and didn’t come into their hallway at all, so I got $100 instead of $50. Good thing I didn’t eat that cat like I was fixing to.
Then I went to see a movie. I bought me about six boxes of them Junior Mints and a ticket to a movie called "Night Plan" with Jodie Forester in the airplane. I read on the newspaper what I stuffed in my shoe that this movie was "Hitchcockian." Lemme tell you, that Jodie Forester’s a cute little number, and I ain’t lyin’ when I say I was hitchin’ my cock right there in my seat. (And to the redhead lady who was sittin’ next to me, Skeeter sure is sorry about messin’ up your pretty hairs.)
I also like Jim Beam, who plays the pilot. I reckon he flew me many places at one time or another, but now I mostly take the train—Night Train, if you follow me. Heh!
Anyhow, she got on that plane and she lost her baby somehow but them other passengers, they didn’t recollect if the baby ever was on the plane at all. So I got to thinking about how I earned me that $100 reward and so I told Jodie Forester she ought to offer them passengers a $100 reward too! Then I got to thinking maybe I was on a plane. That sure scared me since last time I was on a plane it took me to Vietnam. I started screaming something terrible and I had to take a nip of paint thinner to calm myself down.
Right about then, all them Junior Mints started going to work on my stomach something fierce and I got pretty gassy. I got to moaning and groaning up a storm in that front row, where I likes to sit. I almost made in my pants, but I was able to get it into an old popcorn bucket instead. Then I was feeling tolerable good, but I already missed the end of the movie. So I give this movie two bottles of wine out of five.
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