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Because it's back to school time and now I started school I can't go to the movies like I could over the summer so I haven't seen a movie in a very long time but my Mommy did take me to see the movie Jet Li's Fearless on Friday after I finished my homework and I even had popcorn. This is a run-on sentence, Josh (ed).
Jet Li's Fearless is set in the olden days but they still had cars and stuff. All the people in the movie look like the people who give me spare ribs when we get Chinese food because the story is in China. The whole time I was looking at the movie I was getting hungry for Chinese food and it really made me want to eat an egg roll. Good description. You're making me hungry too, Josh!
It was funny when they talked in the movie and they even talked like the spare rib people so I couldn't understand them. That's OK, Josh. That funny talk is called "Chinese," and nobody understands it. They wrote what they were saying on the bottom of the screen also but it was hard to read because it went fast. A lot of times it's hard for me to read stuff, like when the teacher writes stuff on the blackboard, but Mommy says I can't have glasses because Daddy's got a whore. I don't know what a whore is but I guess they must cost a whole lot of money and need a lot of attention because Daddy's never around because of his whore and when he is he doesn't have money. Tell Mommy it's not all Daddy's fault because you also have dyslexia.
In the movie they did karate fighting and those were the parts I liked the best. On the way to the movies Mommy bought a bottle of special soda and she took it into the movies in her shirt. Are you sure it was soda? Mommy started drinking the special soda and she said I couldn't have any even though the popcorn made me really thirsty like my mouth was a big fuzzy sock. The soda had a smell and people turned around to see the smell and when they did Mommy said bad words. Sounds more like whisky, Josh. I tried to watch the karate fighting but there was also a lot of talking and I couldn't understand the talking so I was bored.
I don't know what happened in the movie because we had to go before it was done. People kept saying things to Mommy because of the soda, and the more soda Mommy had the angrier she got. That sounds like pretty strong hooch, Josh. Just like at home. Most of the people in the movie looked like the man who brings our mail who Daddy says is a colored Negro, and them Mommy said the movie was full of colored Negri--plural because colored Negro people love movies about karate and to eat chicken, and why can't she drink a special soda when they all are eating chicken, even though I didn't see anyone eating chicken. Then people got really mad. I guess they didn't like chicken, and a big woman Negress tried to hurt Mommy. Finally a man who was an usher came and he made Mommy leave and she took me with her.
So I liked the karate parts but didn't understand the rest. If you go don't bring any soda, and don't tell the people they like chicken because they will get angry. Fight choreography by vet Yuen Woo-ping is satisfying without being jaw-dropping and follows the retro trend pioneered by Tony Jaa in "Ong Bak" and "Tom-Yum-Goong." Tech package is highly confident and detailed, especially art director Kenneth Mak's burnished sets. Pic has a Western feel to its pacing and editing (by Virginia Katz and Richard Learoyd) that's very smooth, despite the last-minute shearing. You're cribbing from Variety again, Josh.
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