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300 Reviewed by Skeeter "Hot-n-Crazy" Monroe  300 (2007) Starring: Gerard Butler, Lena Headey, David Wenham, Dominic West Directed By: Zack Snyder Run Time: 117 min. Rating: R I got me a job out front of the toy store as a Pikachu this week. They told me to stand out and wave at the children that come by, so I done just that. Underneath that heavy gear it got good and hot, so I drank me some PBRs to keep cool. Next thing I know, I’m singing sailor songs and hooting and hollering with the children. I took off the head piece, sat down in the shade and sang to them kids some more, ate some peanut butter from a jar with my hands and drank my PBRs. Then the toy store people said they’d give me $50 not to come back. So I took my money and went to see me a movie. I seen “300.” This movie was in a place with real bad weather where the sky was real gray, cloudy, windy and swirly. First I thought they was advertising for a real ornery, brutal health club with all them muscles and swords and stabbing and chopping. Then some big muscular boys come in holding hands and ooh-ing and ah-ing at them muscular men in the movie. Well, pretty soon it was all sword, sandal and sodomy in the back row. But Skeeter don’t tell no man how to live and love, so I kept drinking my PBRs and eating the Necco Wafers and peanut butter I bought and didn’t pay ‘em no mind. Well, a bunch of men in red capes and black underpants fought against some elephants and rhinos and big giant supermen with earrings in their noses and nose rings in their tits. Then one of them chucked a baby over a cliff. There was a lot of spearing and hacking and killing for freedom. I sure love freedom. That’s why I went to Vietnam to fight for it! That and because I was drafted. Anyhow, them ones with the red capes, they wore big brooms on their helmets. And a few of them stood against many. But they got all chopped up anyhow. But they fought for freedom, so I give this movie four wine bottles out of five.  Swords, capes, and tight black underwear: '300' is 177 minutes of brutal man on man action. Back to Movie Reviews Back to Hotbovine home |
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